Emotion Overload

June 6, 2015... was the first time I experienced the so-called "emotion overload" of pregnant women. 

Morning at work is usually hectic and stressful which is normal. I had some very serious discussion with my deputy TM and it was very hard to maintain my calmness. Eventually I rant out my frustrations to my other half and Peanut do felt the distress I was in at that moment.

The workday finished slowly, summer heat getting into my nerves. I took a cold shower as soon I got home to take away the icky feeling. I also throw up twice today...it was quite a big load off my stomach and it hurts (thought I even saw blood). I felt the fatigue and hunger so I called X Pizza (due to some law I refuse to name the restaurant even I wanted to shout it out to the world). I ordered a spaghetti and pizza delivery and they have my contact details on their list as they asked me if I wanted the delivery to my office. I told them I am home so I gave them my address once more which baffled me since I am a regular customer. They said it will take them 30-40mins to deliver. I was like my house is 3 buildings away but they said thats the normal delivery. So I said okay, Peanut and I can still hold it in.

I spent 6-8pm talking to my friend Ate Joy and waiting for the food. 

8:00pm: I called X Pizza, apparently the cashier was probably not herself as she gave their delivery driver a wrong unit number. But they never told me that, she said its on its way and asked for my unit number again. She informed me that my mobile was off. So I told her you know my unit right, why dont you go straight to my house? So I told her my address once more and waited another 22 minutes.

8:22pm: I called X Pizza, I think the owner answered this time around and told me what really happened. And even blamed me that my mobile was off...which isn't as I just lost signal at home. Shaking furiously out of hunger and anger with the garbage customer service, I told the owner to cancel their "shit" as I will not wait for another 2 1/2 hours for their food. I totally promised myself that I will never ever order from them again.

I went down to my building lobby to look for some food brochures and asked the guard if there was a delivery guy who even entered the building.

"no madam we didnt see anyone." so X Pizza was a total liar.

I was lucky I saw the Itzza Pizza and called them to take my order as I was on my way to their place. Guess what? My spaghetti bolognese was sitting nicely when I arrived and the staff was so accommodating and respectful. And they ended up on my speed dial...:)

So, lesson learned: Never get a pregnant woman hungry as there will be hell of a fury. (not intentional though but I pretty guess its the raging hormones...)

First Heartbeat

So far I can control the morning sickness with yoghurt and oranges. Peanut is a good embryo. Although it sometimes cramp my lower abdomen I have no bleeding whatsoever. I am praying hard that everything will okay till the 40th week.

June 4th was Peanut's second U/S to check the heart beat. I purposely wore a dress for easy access. I usually ends up tangled in my pants so I have to dress rock chic today. I wore a nice black flowery dress, short denim jacket and my ever dependable Timberland boots. By 7:15pm I was on my back (bladder almost bursting...I have to keep it in for a while till the U/S procedure finished.

My other half and I were holding hands while the doctor run the scanner on my ever-so-big-tummy. And lo and behold...there was Peanut. Its the size of a grain by now at 5 weeks 4 days. Then the doctor turn the volume to hear Peanut's heart beat. It was beating strongly at 147/per minute. Apparently, Peanut do listen to me when I say that he/she must be strong and cling tightly to me. Out of amazement, Peanut's papa forget to record the event, so the doctor had to turn on the sound waves. We also get to see close up on the embryo and I have to admit, it's amazing how a tiny grain in my belly was a developing human.

"Doc, are you sure it is not my heartbeat?" I momentarily asked the kind doctor as I still could not believe that it was Peanut's heartbeat I just heard.

"Is your heart located in your tummy?" the doctor replied jokingly.

So I finally I concede to the idea of Peanut telling us "Yo mama, I'm definitely here!" I am biased but my baby's heart beat is the most beautiful sound in the world for me.

Eating Healthy

I started researching about healthy foods for pregnant women. I specifically tried to eat foods that will avoid if not, totally eliminate the dreaded morning sickness. It was difficult controlling the puking part actually. 

However, I started my morning with yogurts, flavored mostly and some water. Lemon lime juice to keep me cool. I also started drinking 900ml of orange juice for at least 2 days. Walnuts, cherries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries and some grapes are always on hand. I make sure my stomach has food so I will not feel queasy. I checked with my ob-gyne on May 24th with my U/S scan on hand. Since I have a history of PCOS, she was thrilled that we succeeded in healing my ovaries that are threatening to be infertile. I am 34 going 35 this year so we both think that its a very, very ripe age for motherhood. She gave me folic vitamins and medicine to ensure the sac will stick to my uterus and to avoid any miscarriage. Of course, she trust me that this will be a successful pregnancy since I am a very obedient patient who takes my medicines on the dot.

I'm currently on my 5 weeks as of today and I am excited to hear Peanut's heartbeat for tomorrow's U/S (ultrasound). I keep my fingers crossed that Peanut will be a very healthy, strong and smart baby in the next 8 months. 

My cousins asked me why I call the embryo "Peanut"... well it kinda look like a peanut when I first saw the U/S scan, so I guess the name stuck. 

New Existence

It was 4am on the 21st of May when I found out about Peanut.

I suspected that around this time... it may happen for real. 

I took the first test where the positive sign is a bit unclear. But I know something was up!

I was slightly shocked that at 34, my journey to motherhood will began. I was still praying that somehow, its not real. I still feel I wasnt financially and emotionally ready for this. My hands felt cold and clammy, heart chugging like a train.

Then I prayed...really prayed. I asked God that for forgiveness for doubting "His perfect time" and accepted the "blessing" that I am about to receive. I pray that He will guide me through to become a good mother. It was quite a long talk between me and God. I was scared of a lot of stuff and I pray that He will calm me. In my head, a voice started singing "God will make a way when there seems to be no way..." and biblical verses such as "put your yoke upon Him and He will give you rest" started cropping inside my brain. Yes, God was calming me and helping me accept the new reality I am about to face.

I went back to the bathroom and took the second test. This time with a different brand and it is more clear..two positive red lines. I picked up my mobile and called my mom. 

"Hey mom, are you ready to be a grandma?" 

Afterwards, I called my aunt and uncle, sent messages to my bestfriend in Italy, spread the good news to my excited cousins. All the while planning for reality, financial support and retaining my job. It was a very hectic day for me. 

It was also a good thing I am scheduled for an U/S (ultrasound scan) in the afternoon as I was totally worried that it might be ectopic due to some pelvic pain I was having a week before. As me and my other half waited for our turn, I unraveled to him the "news". As I usually tease him about being pregnant, it took him quite awhile to take in the news. ( I sure wonder whether he will cry or laugh....I was intently looking at his expression and like me he sure look scared at the new development of our life).

"We are in this together." and I never felt more loved than that moment.