New Existence

It was 4am on the 21st of May when I found out about Peanut.

I suspected that around this time... it may happen for real. 

I took the first test where the positive sign is a bit unclear. But I know something was up!

I was slightly shocked that at 34, my journey to motherhood will began. I was still praying that somehow, its not real. I still feel I wasnt financially and emotionally ready for this. My hands felt cold and clammy, heart chugging like a train.

Then I prayed...really prayed. I asked God that for forgiveness for doubting "His perfect time" and accepted the "blessing" that I am about to receive. I pray that He will guide me through to become a good mother. It was quite a long talk between me and God. I was scared of a lot of stuff and I pray that He will calm me. In my head, a voice started singing "God will make a way when there seems to be no way..." and biblical verses such as "put your yoke upon Him and He will give you rest" started cropping inside my brain. Yes, God was calming me and helping me accept the new reality I am about to face.

I went back to the bathroom and took the second test. This time with a different brand and it is more clear..two positive red lines. I picked up my mobile and called my mom. 

"Hey mom, are you ready to be a grandma?" 

Afterwards, I called my aunt and uncle, sent messages to my bestfriend in Italy, spread the good news to my excited cousins. All the while planning for reality, financial support and retaining my job. It was a very hectic day for me. 

It was also a good thing I am scheduled for an U/S (ultrasound scan) in the afternoon as I was totally worried that it might be ectopic due to some pelvic pain I was having a week before. As me and my other half waited for our turn, I unraveled to him the "news". As I usually tease him about being pregnant, it took him quite awhile to take in the news. ( I sure wonder whether he will cry or laugh....I was intently looking at his expression and like me he sure look scared at the new development of our life).

"We are in this together." and I never felt more loved than that moment.